More Than Just a Starbucks Order

I am standing in line at Starbucks last week waiting for my turn to order and I am listening to everyone in front of me --- venti, double, split-shot, mocha, breve latte--- tall, vanilla latte, extra hot, no foam, --- grande, skinny, soy, double, not water, no foam.

So, I think to myself, "Wow, I really need to get a fancy starbucks order, too!" And then it's my turn.

"Venti latte, please."

Sorry, just couldn't think of anything to change, manipulate or improve about a regular plain old latte. Does that make me boring? Unsophiscticated?

Absolutely not. The truth is I couldn't think of a way to say:

I want a gigantic tasty coffee drink that:

1. has NEGATIVE calories

2. will help me keep up with my kids as they bounce off the walls (even though it is nap time and they SHOULD BE tired!) but will not cause me to have caffeine withdrawal if I am not able to indulge again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day after that.

3. that will make me feel like a pampered mom of three preschoolers even though they are tugging on my pant legs and following me around non-stop as we speak.

4. that won't leave me with nasty "dragon" breath (Cade's words, not mine) because that would be telltale evidence that I was TRYING to have a "calgon take me away moment" and for some reason as mom we are almost ashamed of needing a little down time.


So, IF Starbucks had those options, here is my SOPHISTICATED new order:

"I'll take a venti, negative cal, speed and valium infused, latte, with a mint burst on return and a bubble bath on the side."

For now, I'll settle for my plain, old venti latte, and if that makes me boring and unsophisticated --- so be it!