Free Shampoo Anyone?

10 Bottles of shampoo on the floor, 10 bottles of shampoo. Take one down, pass it around, 10 bottles of shampoo on the floor.

See the thing about that song is that today, it is funny. A month ago it was SO not. August was a hard month for me. Yes, motherhood reared her ugly head (yet again) and well let’s just say that at various times I threatened to let the UPS man come by and pick up the kids and ship them off to Timbuktu. I’m only sort of joking.

Back to the song --- It was a beautiful August morning that started with such promise. I had cleaned the entire house the day before since I was expecting company that night (my parents and aunt and uncle were coming into town to catch the Yankees game! Matt and I were going on our first outing WITHOUT kids since Chloe was born!)

I had also been up late the night before. I am self-employed as a graphic designer and when a deadline calls, a deadline calls. (I think I managed to flop into bed around 4 a.m. after topping off Chloe’s “milk tank” in hopes that she might sleep in!) Matthew had already left for work, the boys (or so I thought!) were firmly planted in our bed sleeping away, so I decided to revel in the extra sleep. I must have fallen back to sleep and been dead to the world because when I awoke, all I hear is this click-click noise. Everything else in the house is perfectly still. Chloe is asleep, Cade is asleep --- uh oh --- Camden has left his post.

I laid there for just a bit realizing that the click-click noise was coming from the master bathroom which adjoins our room, so I knew Cammy was safe. I was so perplexed by the sound I heard because I just couldn’t place it. I decided to quietly walk to the mostly closed bathroom door to peek in and see what that noise was.

Sitting on the cold ceramic tile was my innocently naked middle child FINGER PAINTING with shampoo and conditioner. That clicking sound was him opening and closing the various bottles as he EMPTIED THEM ONTO THE FLOOR. He looked up and with this delightful smile said, “Hi, Momma. I painting!”

I wanted to hurt someone. Anyone.

I sat there for a minute contemplating exactly how in the world do I clean up this amount of shampoo and conditioner --- all the while imagining in my mind soap suds spilling out of every window of our house. I decided the best course of action would be to put a video on for the boys in an attempt to CONTAIN the mayhem while I cleaned up. Movie in. Kids secured. Baby still sleeping (thank the Lord God above).

I gathered every dry towel in the house and began to clean up. Fifteen minutes later and just as I was wiping up the final slippery, soapy residue Cade peeks around the door and just as sweetly as ever says, “Hi mom.” What he should have done is handed me a loaded gun and said, “Here mom, you’ll need this next.” (Again I am joking --- lighten up people.)

So, Cade proceeds to explain to me that Cammy made ANOTHER mess. Because shampoo EVERYWHERE wasn't enough? No, my sanity was being tested and apparently those tests were coming in rapid fire succession. I JUST WOKE UP PEOPLE, this is SO not fair.

Cade: “Cammy got the sugar out.”
Me: WHAT? THE SUGAR? HUH?!?! Are you speaking English? Did you say, SUGAR?

I was so proud of my triumph over the shampoo and conditioner swamp, but before I could revel in that victory, yet another MESS awaited me. In my head a voice said, “Clean up on aisle 5” as if to MOCK me. How dare "they" mock me.

I walked down stairs and was greeted by an entire canister of sugar DUMPED out all over my office/study. The hard wood floors were no longer a lovely, dark mahogany. Instead, little two-year-old size sugary footprints wound around the whole first floor of the house.

My BARE FEET and I walked calmly to the vaccuum and began yet another clean up session. Now where's that number for the UPS man?



(Oh, and because I know some of you may wonder, Why is this crazy person stockpiling shampoo in her master bathroom? It's not because I am awaiting the apocalypse or anything quite that dramatic. I used to coupon a lot and would get Suave shampoo for like 25 cents a bottle, sometimes I would get it completely free --- and who turns down FREE shampoo?)